her vagine was all disorganized.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
