dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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