and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
