one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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