You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
