i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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