I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
