So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
