now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
