super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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