Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
