my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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