it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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