I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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