And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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