good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
