I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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