What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
