Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
