My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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