Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
