Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
