I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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