we have officially lost it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize