There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
