guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
