another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
