I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
