I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
