I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
