My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
