i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
