A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
