all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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