I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
