Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
