I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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