My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
