Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
