i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
