look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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