I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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