I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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