Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
