awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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