i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
