Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
