Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
