Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
