I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
