apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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