idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
