I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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