Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
