Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
