chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Small penises have feelings too.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
