You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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