Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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