I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Less talking, more tequila
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
