I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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