bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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