So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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