I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
