it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
