I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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