I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
