youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
